The only thing better than The Oscars.

Reading about 'em on Defamer and Go Fug Yourself the next day.

5:17pm: Nicole Kidman looks great, if a little facially immobilized, presenting the Best Supporting Actor award. Even enough Botox to kill three B-list actresses can't can't stop her from announcing that Fat Clooney wins the award, and Fat Clooney immediately recognizes that Black and White Clooney will probably not take the directing award. But each pound added and every drip of lost spinal fluid subtracted was worth it. Clooney will not go home empty-handed.

Defamer :: We Are All In This Thing Together - Liveblogging The Oscars

Those prayers, of course, were answered in the form of Charlize Theron's Massive Shoulder Wound-Bow. And in countless other ways that we plan to mercilessly enumerate...as soon as we crawl out of what we call the Clooney Coma: a very serious but incredibly pleasant form of paralysis that takes over the average American once she's spent over an hour looking at George Clooney in a classic tux. Neither of your faithful fuggers can bear to be bitchy when in the throes of the Clooney Coma. And, readers, we have it. We have it bad. Experts predict that we won't snap out of it until approximately noon, PST.

Go Fug Yourself :: Oscar Fugshion - Good Things Come To Those Who Fug